its funny to think that the last time i wrote in here, it was sunny and unbearably hot. now, although it is still sunny, it is cold and sometimes raining. i guess this is a testament to how fast time flies by. i never really understood that statement when i was little but, now i do.

because i dont know what to center this blog around yet, i will write about my day.

today, i was excited to take my first final. i felt relieved even before i had actually taken it. and so in my excitement i called someone, to ask if they wanted to see a movie (because, honestly, i love movies. i love the good and the bad). for reasons that shall remain unnamed, this person said no.

i felt like there was a big shift, a big change. i remembered times before. when everything was done for everyone without hesitation. there were "thank you" and "please" and "of course, anything for you". now, there is just "why" and "how come you cant do it yourself". seriously, how COME i cant do it myself?

what happened to the girl who used to watch movies at movie theatres by herself? fearlessly? what happened to the girl who could decide something spontaneously, not be afraid, and never look back?

what happened to the girl that knew when something was bad for her and would leave?

i used to be that girl. and now, i think ive become too comfortable in where i am in my life. i take no more risks. i ignore the little voice in my head that used to make up my spontaneous decisions. i should listen to myself more. i should trust my heart more and stop trying to follow my head instead. life isnt logically, its all about your heart. and what does my heart tell me now? what does that little voice in my head tell me now?

i know what its telling me. its telling me to get out. that i know i can do better. that i shouldnt treat myself like this and that i shouldnt be treated like this.

but, its so much more complicated than that now.